ellie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
backpacking) wrote2014-12-15 10:30 pm
backpacking) wrote2014-12-15 10:30 pm
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❝ ... Uh. Yup! This is Ellie!
Leave your message, or... whatever,
and I'll probably see you around before I listen to it, honestly. ❞
[ BEEEEEEEP ]
❝ ... Uh. Yup! This is Ellie!
Leave your message, or... whatever,
and I'll probably see you around before I listen to it, honestly. ❞
[ BEEEEEEEP ]
[ The text comes early on the third morning of the zombie event, short and to the point and lacking any and all of Simon's normal good cheer. ]
Jo's dead.
[ Had it been someone not from a world like theirs he might have waited until he could sugarcoat it a little better. But they'd lived this, all of them. He knew Ellie would want to know, and he didn't have it in him to mince words. Not now.
In fact, those are about the only two words he's got in him at all right now, which is why there won't be any answering texts after the one he sends to both Ellie and Michonne. He turns off his phone and heads into the mansion instead. ]
Jo's dead.
[ Had it been someone not from a world like theirs he might have waited until he could sugarcoat it a little better. But they'd lived this, all of them. He knew Ellie would want to know, and he didn't have it in him to mince words. Not now.
In fact, those are about the only two words he's got in him at all right now, which is why there won't be any answering texts after the one he sends to both Ellie and Michonne. He turns off his phone and heads into the mansion instead. ]
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
Fishermen are reel men.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got twelve months.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
If you ever get cold just stand in a corner for a little bit. They're usually around 90 degrees.
[Left outside Ellie's door is a little package with a CD inside and a note taped to the front:
It's a little late, but I figure you and I have both been up to our eyeballs in events and stuff. Tell me which ones you like! (^_^)
P.S. My music tastes aren't quite the same as a lot of my friends so... idk, if you find these weird I can ask Chloe to put together something more rock n' roll or punk.
-Mad Max
The CD itself contains a bunch of songs and a list, with handwritten little notes next to the titles:]
1. Matilda by Alt-J. One of my favorite bands. This is a tribute to a movie called Leon: the Professional about the most badass twelve year old ever. And her hitman best friend!
2. In My Mind by Amanda Palmer. This one's from Chloe's list. Amanda Palmer makes great music and this one's way too cute to pass up.
3. There is a Light that Never Goes Out by the Smiths. And oldie but a goodie. Makes me feel so 80's.
4. Adventures in Solitude by The New Pornographers. Funny band name. These guys are amazing, they make these super unique songs with voicing that'll blow your socks clean off.
5. Raindrops by Regina Spektor. Okay, this one's a little more mainstream, but it's just so cute. Regina Spektor's voice is awesome.
6. Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap. I got this from a movie, 500 Days of Summer. Fun feels-hipster movie, but the soundtrack might be the best bit. And you can't go wrong with Joseph Gordon-Levitt!
7. Exile Villify by The National. This song was made for Portal 2, a video game, and if you haven't played any of the Portal games yet YOU SHOULD.
8. Oceans by Seafret. This one has an interesting music video, but even just the song is cool. Deep.
9. A Comet Appears by The Shins. Kinda mellow. First time I heard it was on a show called Chuck. This one's pretty deep, too.
10. Kids Will Be Skeletons by Mogwai. I figure I should give you at least one instrumental song so you can see if you like it. Somehow it's both quiet and exciting at the same time. Great when taking photos. :D
It's a little late, but I figure you and I have both been up to our eyeballs in events and stuff. Tell me which ones you like! (^_^)
P.S. My music tastes aren't quite the same as a lot of my friends so... idk, if you find these weird I can ask Chloe to put together something more rock n' roll or punk.
-Mad Max
The CD itself contains a bunch of songs and a list, with handwritten little notes next to the titles:]
1. Matilda by Alt-J. One of my favorite bands. This is a tribute to a movie called Leon: the Professional about the most badass twelve year old ever. And her hitman best friend!
2. In My Mind by Amanda Palmer. This one's from Chloe's list. Amanda Palmer makes great music and this one's way too cute to pass up.
3. There is a Light that Never Goes Out by the Smiths. And oldie but a goodie. Makes me feel so 80's.
4. Adventures in Solitude by The New Pornographers. Funny band name. These guys are amazing, they make these super unique songs with voicing that'll blow your socks clean off.
5. Raindrops by Regina Spektor. Okay, this one's a little more mainstream, but it's just so cute. Regina Spektor's voice is awesome.
6. Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap. I got this from a movie, 500 Days of Summer. Fun feels-hipster movie, but the soundtrack might be the best bit. And you can't go wrong with Joseph Gordon-Levitt!
7. Exile Villify by The National. This song was made for Portal 2, a video game, and if you haven't played any of the Portal games yet YOU SHOULD.
8. Oceans by Seafret. This one has an interesting music video, but even just the song is cool. Deep.
9. A Comet Appears by The Shins. Kinda mellow. First time I heard it was on a show called Chuck. This one's pretty deep, too.
10. Kids Will Be Skeletons by Mogwai. I figure I should give you at least one instrumental song so you can see if you like it. Somehow it's both quiet and exciting at the same time. Great when taking photos. :D
Edited 2016-11-19 00:47 (UTC)
[ It's been quiet lately. Ellie had tried to apologize for the way she'd treated him during the whole Neverland thing, but Joel hadn't wanted to hear it. After all, it's not like she'd been in control of her actions. And dwelling on it now won't change a thing.
He's been thinking, though. About a lot of things. Ellie's reaction when he'd tried to ask about David. All these events and how they change people. They way people up and disappear and how there's no way to stop it. And what that man with the floppy hair had said at the poker table.
If she goes back, she'll be going right back to where she left off. He'd meant it to be comforting, of course. I'm assuming you'd be there, right?
But it had been anything but.
He looks over at Ellie now, bent studiously over a comic book. Not Savage Starlight, but something given to her by one of her friends here. Easy enough to leave her to it, let her enjoy herself for a while...but instead, he clears his throat. ]
Ellie.
He's been thinking, though. About a lot of things. Ellie's reaction when he'd tried to ask about David. All these events and how they change people. They way people up and disappear and how there's no way to stop it. And what that man with the floppy hair had said at the poker table.
If she goes back, she'll be going right back to where she left off. He'd meant it to be comforting, of course. I'm assuming you'd be there, right?
But it had been anything but.
He looks over at Ellie now, bent studiously over a comic book. Not Savage Starlight, but something given to her by one of her friends here. Easy enough to leave her to it, let her enjoy herself for a while...but instead, he clears his throat. ]
Ellie.
[ Neverland had been disturbing. It'd been like what she knows of her Mirror: an Ellie bent on her own survival above all else. Though the Mirror seemed more like a loner, and her time on the 'island' had included bonding with at least two others, both of which encouraged each other's violence. Thinking about the kinds of traps she'd left for innocent people (for Joel, who'd avoided them, thankfully) makes her stomach twist with guilt.
It's over now, though. By all of Wonderland's questionable logic, they should never have to go back there again.
Today, she's managed to bury her mind in comics, is up to her eyeballs in comic mischief and superhero storylines, when Joel interrupts.
Ellie glances over the page at him, blinking. ]
Joel? [ She questions, trying to get a read on him and failing. ]
It's over now, though. By all of Wonderland's questionable logic, they should never have to go back there again.
Today, she's managed to bury her mind in comics, is up to her eyeballs in comic mischief and superhero storylines, when Joel interrupts.
Ellie glances over the page at him, blinking. ]
Joel? [ She questions, trying to get a read on him and failing. ]
[ He almost chickens out. Asks what do you want for dinner, something mundane and safe. But this is important. And he...they can't keep pretending like everything's all right. Sooner or later, it won't be.
He clears his throat, shifting a little to face her. ]
We gotta talk.
He clears his throat, shifting a little to face her. ]
We gotta talk.
[ Okay, weirdo. ]
Sure. [ She closes the book out of respect for the moment, figuring she knows what's coming. It has to be about that - about Neverland, how she'd been ruthless, had tried to kill him, treated him worse than she ever had before.
Ellie swallows, trying not to look nervous. ]
What's... up?
Sure. [ She closes the book out of respect for the moment, figuring she knows what's coming. It has to be about that - about Neverland, how she'd been ruthless, had tried to kill him, treated him worse than she ever had before.
Ellie swallows, trying not to look nervous. ]
What's... up?
[ He sees her nervousness, and can guess its cause. Or thinks he can. She has to have known this was coming. But he's had uncomfortable conversations before. He can do it again. ]
It's about David. [ He raises a hand, cutting her off before she can protest. ] Don't - don't run off, all right? I know you don't wanna talk about it, and I swear, you won't have to ever again after this. But I...
[ He swallows. ]
I gotta know. The stuff I heard, Ellie, what I saw...if there's any chance of stoppin' it...
[ He falls silent, stomach turning all over again at the memories. The bodies hanging in the freezer. The burning building. David's latest pet. ]
I gotta make sure you're all right.
It's about David. [ He raises a hand, cutting her off before she can protest. ] Don't - don't run off, all right? I know you don't wanna talk about it, and I swear, you won't have to ever again after this. But I...
[ He swallows. ]
I gotta know. The stuff I heard, Ellie, what I saw...if there's any chance of stoppin' it...
[ He falls silent, stomach turning all over again at the memories. The bodies hanging in the freezer. The burning building. David's latest pet. ]
I gotta make sure you're all right.
[ The word David is like a bullet that catches her by surprise and grazes her cheek. Her stomach lurches and she immediately tenses, eyes widening in painful surprise, and... hurt, almost. ]
Why? [ Ellie asks finally, finding her voice with difficulty. ] What's the point?
[ No, that isn't fair. If he'd been missing and in danger, she'd demand answers. She knows the point: to give him some peace of mind, or at least to eliminate whatever worst-case scenarios have been going through his mind.
The truth isn't much better, though. ]
I'm alright. [ She says, a last effort to defuse the conversation. ] We both make it out of there. [ As far as she knows, considering he'd only just found her when she'd been dragged back to Wonderland. ] David's... fucking dead, okay? He's gone.
[ And thoroughly mutilated, but whatever. ]
Why? [ Ellie asks finally, finding her voice with difficulty. ] What's the point?
[ No, that isn't fair. If he'd been missing and in danger, she'd demand answers. She knows the point: to give him some peace of mind, or at least to eliminate whatever worst-case scenarios have been going through his mind.
The truth isn't much better, though. ]
I'm alright. [ She says, a last effort to defuse the conversation. ] We both make it out of there. [ As far as she knows, considering he'd only just found her when she'd been dragged back to Wonderland. ] David's... fucking dead, okay? He's gone.
[ And thoroughly mutilated, but whatever. ]
[ He almost flinches away from the look on her face. The last thing he wants to do is make her feel worse. If he could make her forget it all, never have to think about it again - God, he'd do it in a heartbeat.
We both make it out of there. That much is a relief. He can only assume he finds her, then, and kills the bastard before getting them both out. Gotta make sure he keeps a bullet on hand for the asshole. Just in case he gets pulled back.
But I'm alright could mean a lot of things, and just knowing that he finds her, that they get out of there eventually, isn't enough. ]
Ellie.
[ He's had a lot of Dad Conversations over the years. This isn't one he'd ever had to have with Sarah, thankfully. But now he meets Ellie's eyes, terribly serious, refusing to look away. ]
Did he hurt you?
You don't - [ It's hard, just asking. It's an unpleasant subject for both of them, and given Joel's well-known tendency to bury his own emotions, how much he longs to just drop the subject and never, ever make her talk about it again, none of this comes naturally to him. But he can't just leave her with the weight of it. Can't make her carry it alone. ] You don't gotta...pretend it's okay. Anything you wanna talk about, anything you're feeling...it's alright. You can tell me.
We both make it out of there. That much is a relief. He can only assume he finds her, then, and kills the bastard before getting them both out. Gotta make sure he keeps a bullet on hand for the asshole. Just in case he gets pulled back.
But I'm alright could mean a lot of things, and just knowing that he finds her, that they get out of there eventually, isn't enough. ]
Ellie.
[ He's had a lot of Dad Conversations over the years. This isn't one he'd ever had to have with Sarah, thankfully. But now he meets Ellie's eyes, terribly serious, refusing to look away. ]
Did he hurt you?
You don't - [ It's hard, just asking. It's an unpleasant subject for both of them, and given Joel's well-known tendency to bury his own emotions, how much he longs to just drop the subject and never, ever make her talk about it again, none of this comes naturally to him. But he can't just leave her with the weight of it. Can't make her carry it alone. ] You don't gotta...pretend it's okay. Anything you wanna talk about, anything you're feeling...it's alright. You can tell me.
[ Did he hurt you? No, but he wanted to. No, but he tried. He'd choked her, sure, had bashed her head against the bars of that cell, yeah, had kicked her in the gut until she could barely move before yanking her over by the hair. Yeah, he'd done those things, but it could have - would have - been much worse. She'd been lucky.
Ellie swallows, thinking of when she'd slipped from the table and barely escaped David's gun, wondering (not for the first time) if he hadn't hit her on purpose. ]
I'm not pretending. [ She mutters, and the memories with their associated grief wells up within her again, sickening. ] I just don't want to go through all the... fucking details, okay?
[ She shifts, crossing and uncrossing her ankles. ]
They were eating people. [ Ellie shrugs, not looking at him. ] They were gonna do that to me, but I got away. He made the mistake of coming after me again, so I killed him.
[ But, God, it was so much more complicated than that. ]
Ellie swallows, thinking of when she'd slipped from the table and barely escaped David's gun, wondering (not for the first time) if he hadn't hit her on purpose. ]
I'm not pretending. [ She mutters, and the memories with their associated grief wells up within her again, sickening. ] I just don't want to go through all the... fucking details, okay?
[ She shifts, crossing and uncrossing her ankles. ]
They were eating people. [ Ellie shrugs, not looking at him. ] They were gonna do that to me, but I got away. He made the mistake of coming after me again, so I killed him.
[ But, God, it was so much more complicated than that. ]
[ Joel doesn't look away, even as Ellie stares studiously at her lap. She's not telling him the whole story, that much is obvious. But she's not lying, either, he doesn't think.
I killed him. He blinks in surprise; it's not the ending he had expected. The way she says it, so matter of fact...Of course, it's not the first time she'd killed - and killed people, not just mindless Infected.
But God, he'd never wanted to see it become commonplace for her. And she never...she should never have had to.
If he had never given her that pistol...
Would she be more innocent now? Or would that bastard have slit her throat, or worse, before she could even react?
He takes a ragged breath, feeling suddenly cold. ]
Ellie, look at me.
[ Even though a part of him doesn't want her to. Even though he knows she'll be able to see his reaction, that he can't hide the look on his face. She'd barely told him anything and he feels like he'd aged ten years. ]
I killed him. He blinks in surprise; it's not the ending he had expected. The way she says it, so matter of fact...Of course, it's not the first time she'd killed - and killed people, not just mindless Infected.
But God, he'd never wanted to see it become commonplace for her. And she never...she should never have had to.
If he had never given her that pistol...
Would she be more innocent now? Or would that bastard have slit her throat, or worse, before she could even react?
He takes a ragged breath, feeling suddenly cold. ]
Ellie, look at me.
[ Even though a part of him doesn't want her to. Even though he knows she'll be able to see his reaction, that he can't hide the look on his face. She'd barely told him anything and he feels like he'd aged ten years. ]
[ No, she doesn't want to. Staring hard at anything else is easier. Ellie is so unused to seeing his reactions, to having him press for her to talk more - it's a little unnerving. Never mind their topic of discussion...
Finally, she glances up at him without facing him fully. ]
What? [ She asks again, made all the more uncomfortable by the expression on his face. That's gotta be enough, right? What would he look like if he knew more of what happened that winter? ] I just - I told you.
[ It should be more consolation, knowing what kind of state she'd left David in. Somehow, it isn't. ]
Finally, she glances up at him without facing him fully. ]
What? [ She asks again, made all the more uncomfortable by the expression on his face. That's gotta be enough, right? What would he look like if he knew more of what happened that winter? ] I just - I told you.
[ It should be more consolation, knowing what kind of state she'd left David in. Somehow, it isn't. ]
I know - I know.
[ He shakes his head, dismissing her concerns. No, he's not going to interrogate her further. ]
Ellie - I'm sorry.
[ His voice cracks, a little. He's sorry. Sorry he hadn't been there. Sorry she'd had to go through it alone. That he couldn't kill David for her, and that she'd had to get blood on her hands one more time to save herself. Sorry that there are people like David in the world, and that he's not able to shield her from all of them forever.
But there's one thing he can do, and he meets her eyes, his own blazing with intensity. ]
But I'm here now.
And I will never let anything like that happen to you again. Ever.
I swear.
[ He shakes his head, dismissing her concerns. No, he's not going to interrogate her further. ]
Ellie - I'm sorry.
[ His voice cracks, a little. He's sorry. Sorry he hadn't been there. Sorry she'd had to go through it alone. That he couldn't kill David for her, and that she'd had to get blood on her hands one more time to save herself. Sorry that there are people like David in the world, and that he's not able to shield her from all of them forever.
But there's one thing he can do, and he meets her eyes, his own blazing with intensity. ]
But I'm here now.
And I will never let anything like that happen to you again. Ever.
I swear.
[ Something must have happened to cause this. Unless he's been stewing all this time since his arrival and just now let it out, it's odd that Joel would open up like this unprompted. Her expression flickers to a very brief curiosity, but only for a second.
Ellie nods. ]
Okay. [ She doesn't say that he probably couldn't have prevented his near-fatal injury just with a promise, that something awful could still happen to them both... or that he could vanish again after swearing he wouldn't. She just nods faintly, glancing away. ]
You don't have to be sorry. [ Comes the addendum. ] There wasn't anything you could've done; you almost died. [ We almost starved because I couldn't find enough fucking food. ]
Ellie nods. ]
Okay. [ She doesn't say that he probably couldn't have prevented his near-fatal injury just with a promise, that something awful could still happen to them both... or that he could vanish again after swearing he wouldn't. She just nods faintly, glancing away. ]
You don't have to be sorry. [ Comes the addendum. ] There wasn't anything you could've done; you almost died. [ We almost starved because I couldn't find enough fucking food. ]
[ He does, though. Because he'd failed her. Never mind that he'd been injured and half-delirious; never mind that he'd nearly died. She'd needed him, and he hadn't been there for her.
He's not about to forgive himself for that anytime soon.
But he knows all too well how Ellie would react to that, so he doesn't say any of it. Instead, he just looks at her, sighing quietly. ]
Well, we're here now.
[ And he hadn't died, and she's...she's okay, whatever had happened. He hopes. He gives her a tiny smile. ]
He's not about to forgive himself for that anytime soon.
But he knows all too well how Ellie would react to that, so he doesn't say any of it. Instead, he just looks at her, sighing quietly. ]
Well, we're here now.
[ And he hadn't died, and she's...she's okay, whatever had happened. He hopes. He gives her a tiny smile. ]
[ Yeah. We're here now. For how long, though? How long before she got bounced back to something worse, or before he vanished without saying goodbye? It ties her stomach up in knots to think about it, and she shrinks a little into her shoulders in the extended silence.
He tries to smile; she can't yet bring herself to do the same. Instead, now restless in her own skin, she stands up, leaving the comic behind where she'd sat. ]
I think I'm gonna... take a walk. [ Ellie says finally. Her expression softens from tense to a little concerned, and she adds: ] I'm fine, I just need some air.
He tries to smile; she can't yet bring herself to do the same. Instead, now restless in her own skin, she stands up, leaving the comic behind where she'd sat. ]
I think I'm gonna... take a walk. [ Ellie says finally. Her expression softens from tense to a little concerned, and she adds: ] I'm fine, I just need some air.
[ Well, you fucked that one up, Joel. He can see the way she shrinks up smaller, the way she can't quite sit still. Goddammit.
He's worried about her. And it shows in his expression, his slight frown, the way his eyebrows draw together slightly. But he just nods, not trying to stop her as she slips out of the room. ]
He's worried about her. And it shows in his expression, his slight frown, the way his eyebrows draw together slightly. But he just nods, not trying to stop her as she slips out of the room. ]
[ on the morning of december 25, ellie received a festive little pair of elf pants holding a gift specially tailored to her. merry christmas...? ]
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